The Static Silence
It’s a cruel cruel world.

It’s a cruel cruel world.

Carmela you are my muse.

Carmela you are my muse.

Swag City population this guy.

Swag City population this guy.

Just sit Bach and listen to the beauty.

Most days are good. You’re not real to me right now. I don’t see you. I don’t see the places we made memories together. It’s a comforting blindness. But out of the blue something will remind me of you. It’s like a drop of food coloring in a glass of water. I’m calm and everything is clear. Then I remember and the red spreads immediately. Spiraling and swirling until it’s all red. I forget there was even water in the glass. It’s this uncomfortable heat that spreads through my body. It’s this prickling hot feeling like a fever that just won’t go away. The kind that makes you kick your sheets while you toss and turn.

I’m excited to be without you. I’m ready for a new chapter. I know this fever will go away when I’m better. I guess love sick is an appropriate term.

YEAH MORE BREAK UP BULLSHIT

Apparently being in a relationship for a few years doesn’t make you any more comfortable when you’re finally single.

WHODA THUNK?

A running list of good habits to work on back in Seattle

thestaticsilence:

  1. Volunteer with animals
  2. Do more stenciling
  3. Don’t go more than 3 days without reading for fun
  4. Stretch once a day
  5. Smile at people when you walk by them instead of looking anywhere but their eyes
  6. Drink healthy smoothies
  7. Listen to music I haven’t heard of
  8. Do yoga consistently
  9. Rock climb with the same consistency
  10. Try out Jiu-Jitsu
  11. Take more photos
  12. Get denied at least once a week
  13. Try to meditate every once and a while
  14. Go to bed on time (whoops)
  15. Above all - avoid complacency

and compliment a stranger once a day courtesy of bobbythewhale

A running list of good habits to work on back in Seattle
  1. Volunteer with animals
  2. Do more stenciling
  3. Don’t go more than 3 days without reading for fun
  4. Stretch once a day
  5. Smile at people when you walk by them instead of looking anywhere but their eyes
  6. Drink healthy smoothies
  7. Listen to music I haven’t heard of
  8. Do yoga consistently
  9. Rock climb with the same consistency
  10. Try out Jiu-Jitsu
  11. Take more photos
  12. Get denied at least once a week
  13. Try to meditate every once and a while
  14. Go to bed on time (whoops)
  15. Above all - avoid complacency
Here’s hoping 6 hours feels more like 6 years.
Break ups and Self Management

So this is me attempting to be a mature adult and process my thoughts.  I’m banking on the idea that just writing anything down is better than nothing.  

I broke up with my girlfriend of approximately 2 years today.  It’s right but it’s sad.  I really wanted to say it’s sad, but it’s right.  Not sure what that says about my psyche if that’s my preference.

I’ve been in a constant stage of transition for the past three months and this sort of exacerbates the situation.  I think this time it’s for real though and the fact that I’m already feeling that is probably a good sign.

I’ll give in to self loathing for 24 hours though since that will probably help me shut up about it sooner rather than later.  I’m supposed to have some sort of grand insight but I feel shell shocked more than introspective (although I suppose this post would suggest otherwise)

This is what happens with adulthood.  People’s lives take them elsewhere. There’s no grand fight or quiet disappearance.  Sure we dragged our feet, but we’re all prone to settling to avoid pain.

Am I naive for being sure I want someone in my long term plan?  Am I just prone to influence from my upbringing and a stable family structure?  Is this real or have I just been nurtured this way?

I think I feel it.  Like a feel a few things in life.  I feel like I want to make my life meaningful.  I feel like animals are what make me want to get out of bed.  I feel like I don’t want to be mature.  I want to whine and bitch and kick dirt and shrug. 

But I think deep down I want someone eventually.  However, I’m not going to commit to anything just yet.  I guess I should just go with what feels right while I feel some conviction and see where that brings me.  Aim fire and maybe one day I’ll be ready.

We have different trajectories which makes sense considering we’re both loose cannons.  

I guess I’m just another one of your poems now.